You cannot fully take responsibility for your life until you first love yourself unconditionally. This is because until you love yourself unconditionally you look outside yourself for this missing piece.
You are needy and seek others to fulfill your needs. Most “love” relationships are about meeting unmet needs. This was the way we learned love was supposed to be growing up; from parents, role models, movies, etc.
This is conditional love. Which is based on the condition that your needs are met. When you depend on another to meet your needs your not taking responsibility for your needs.
Love is something you can’t outsource unfortunately.
And with a poor self-esteem, the act of Loving oneself doesn’t feel right. It feels like ego or vanity. (This is when loving the other, and placing their needs before ours, feels right.)
But in truth, loving oneself – the deeper self – unconditionally is within the context of loving the part of ourselves that is not separate from the other. Thus it cannot be ego driven. For in the love of the deeper self we find the love for all things.
And it is with the cup of love that overflows from self that we begin to serve others. It is with the unconditional love for self that we show unconditional love for others and build mutually supportive relationships based on it. It is with the treatment of our bodies as divine temples that we begin to treat each other, our home and our planet as divine expressions. It is with heightened self-love and self-worth that we begin to allow our truth to emerge as we create new boundaries, new associations, personify our likes and dislikes, and make decisions in the knowing that what is right for self is best for all.
When we love ourselves unconditionally we become an example of a life that works. We are no longer needy. We no longer need to expect and control and manipulate. We allow. We co-create. We acknowledge and personify the supreme beings that we are.
My father once told me, “If you take care of yourself, everything else takes care of itself.”